Just Listen
Having a conversation with another human being can elicit every emotion we are capable of feeling. Often, conversations make us feel many feels, but that doesn’t mean the feels aren’t for reals. Feels like I tried to force that rhyme, but I like it despite its poor use of your time. We converse in so many different mediums today, it is often hard to tell where a conversation starts or ends. Face to face conversation now only takes up a small percentage of the communicating we do with other humans. Twitter, Facebook, and texting would be my guess for the top three tools for communication in our current age. These mediums do not allow us the precision, emotional connection, or personality of a face to face interaction. So much gets lost in the digital translation.
Most of the conversations we choose to have digitally, follow a simple pattern. Hear/read, followed by talk/type. That may not sound so bad to you, it may sound just like a normal conversation. I do not see it in that way. Hear/talk is not a genuine way to hold a conversation of depth. These are not the droids your looking for. What I see as being a conversation of substance requires two entirely different elements. Listen and respond. You take time to take in what your partner in conversation is saying, you listen to them. Then you respond accordingly. You DO NOT hijack the conversation about whatever topic is floating around in your brain.
Lets say, for the sake of a ridiculous example, you were engaged in a lively chat about yogurt. You happened to mention that it’s one of your favorite breakfast foods due to its versatility in parfaits and high probiotic value. Your friend responds with a comment about how they have always wanted to see someone slip on a banana peel in person.
What is that? Sure… you got me, I want to see someone fall on a banana peel too, but that has absolutely nothing to do with yogurt! Did they even hear what I said? Do they simply just dislike the topic so much that they felt the need to change it? Or, have we become so self centered that we can’t focus on what someone else is imputing, instead, only focusing on what our output is? We physically hear the words, but we choose to ignore responding, and instead talk about whatever is on OUR mind instead. Hijacking the conversation to a topic that is focused on our selfish selves.
Sometimes I just want to have a real conversation but it seems that is becoming more difficult as the years go on. I have personally witnessed two teenagers bump into each other on a train, recognize that they knew one another, and then proceed to text across the seat. They could be talking real words, with their mouths, but instead they chose a medium they’re more comfortable with. I don’t even know what you would text someone your sitting next to… “Is there gum by your shoe too?” Just say it with your mouth!
Whenever I find people I can have a good conversation with, I try and talk to them as often as possible. These people are rare now! I don’t know much about this new pokemon go business, but I understand that a Mew is a very hard pokemon to find/catch. These real conversationalists of which I speak, are like the Mew’s of people. That’s right internet, you have me comparing amazing people, to pokemon… Are you happy now? But in reality, I believe deep down, we all still long for the satisfaction a good conversation with a genuine friend can bring us.
We are in an age where listen/respond is more important than ever. If we want to continue to grow as a species, we must be willing to listen to one another. But not just listen, we must be able to accurately respond as well. These basic communication skills will be of immense value in the coming years, as the children of tomorrow learn life through an ipad.
The next time you are talking with someone, challenge yourself a little, try to listen to what they are saying, and then offering a thoughtful response. I promise the conversation will go in a more entertaining direction.