Depression
I would like to start by prefacing this post; I had some reflective thoughts about low times I have gone through in the past and felt that they were worth sharing.Currently I am in high spirits and things are going great. Hopefully this finds you in good spirits as well, but if you are feeling low or depressed, this post is for you.
My job can be simplified down to having conversations and making people smile. Too many of these conversations involve the other person not treating themselves with respect. They say things like “I’m an idiot” “I can’t do anything right” “I’m not smart enough to figure this out”. And all they did was leave the hotel key in their room! Nothing to be upset about.
These negative self impressions are part of what drive depression. When that little voice on your shoulder is saying nothing but bad things, it really is how you start to view the world. I listened to that voice for a long time, believing that the whole world was about me, and I was dumb, and couldn’t do things, and was sad, so the world must be that way too. Often when I fell into one of these patterns, my only solution would be to reach for the fast forward button on the remote of life. Something I could do to make days, weeks, months, even years disappear in the rear view mirror. Drinking, drugs, bad internet habits, whatever I could find to forget the passing of time.
If you have ever experienced depression and attempted to pacify it with similar methods, you know it doesn’t work. Hitting the fast forward button, while convenient, is a cop out. You aren’t challenging the problems you have, your letting them be an excuse to ignore life. When you are living your life on fast forward, you want nothing more than for time to pass quickly so that you can get to the next weekend, the next trip, the next happy hour, the next…. Life. Always living for the next moment instead of the one you’re in right now.
This may sound dark, but follow me here. Within this mindset, suicide makes sense. When your mind is always focused on what’s next and never what’s now, what is the ultimate fast forward? The button that lets you skip directly to the end without passing go, without collecting your 200 smackaroons. You are tired of always searching for that next thing, and you just want to be at the finish line. The good news is, it doesn’t have to be that way. Being in that mindset is a choice. People may tell you that it’s not, but don’t take their word or mine for it. Test it for yourself. The next time you find yourself feeling down, stop for a minute and acknowledge those feelings. Feel them. Then take some deep breaths, and tell yourself five things you’re are happy about today. My list usually goes something like
- I’m so happy I have a full water bottle right now.
- I got to eat cheese today, that always puts a cheesy grin on my face.
- There are awesome people in my life that I can call/hug right now.
- The sun is shining on my body and it feels amazing! (this doesn’t work with clouds but they’re cool too)
- Staring at my fingerprints makes me feel like a snowflake.
They don’t have to be deep insightful thoughts, just something that puts a cheesy grin between your ears. And if you can’t think of five things, then skip straight to that cheesy grin. Go find a bathroom no one is in, look yourself right in the eyes, then put the biggest, cheesiest smile on and just hold it. No specific time is required, just long enough that you feel ridiculous. Think about your situation in the third person, your smiling for no reason, at yourself, alone in a bathroom. I think that’s hilarious. And before you know it, the fake smile turns genuine. Usually by this point, I am no longer feeling so low. If I still am in a funk though, it usually means I need to alter my daily habits drastically.
If you come home everyday to sit on the couch and watch Netflix, maybe that’s not making you happy either. I know procrastination was another driving factor for my depression. I would make all these to do lists, really lengthy ones, sometimes with things on them like, “walk up the stairs” just so I could cross something off and feel accomplished. But the one or two important items would never get done. Then it would turn into a nasty circle of not doing those things, so I would feel guilty and watch a movie, then I would feel guilty about the movie so I would drink, then guilt, then procrastination… so it goes. Instead, if your depressed, break the cycle, shatter your thought patterns, change something, anything to get you out of the funk. I’m sure we’ve all heard a friend say something like “I picked up yoga/skydiving/knitting/lawn darts/whatever.. and it changed my life!” It isn’t the activity that they chose that matters, it was the choice they made to change something.
Personally, I often get tired of writing the the same positive thoughts day after day, but here’s the secret. That daily repetition of telling myself that the world is beautiful, that people are inherently good, that we’re all in it together and we’re all equals, is the only way that I keep my head above the negative waters. If I allow myself to think that way, only for a day, the power of the negativity is overwhelming.
If you are ever feeling overwhelmed with negative thoughts, go fill up a sink with ice cold water and dunk your head in, sprint as fast as you can for ten seconds, high five a random stranger on the sidewalk, do something crazy that shocks your mind into sanity. Those nasty thoughts, they’re a choice. You don’t have to think them if you don’t want to. Choose to be happy, it might not be easy at first, but it is simple, and way more rewarding.