Yesterday I sat in my car and cried for ten minutes straight. I just received an offer from my employer for a promotion. I knew it was coming, but yesterday it all became so real staring at a piece of paper with a line waiting for my signature as a commitment to five years. This would have be something stable, something long term, something comfortable. I knew that it would be the logical and “smart” move for someone like myself, a non-degree holding 25 year old that has neigh but restaurant and bar experience. This is a wonderful and rare position for me to be in.

The job would put me in a financially comfortable place. By no means was it vast sum of money, but it was more than I made working in restaurants and I have no debt to pay off or kids to support. It had benefits as well, something I have never had. They saw potential in me, and even offered to pay for classes to go back to school. Sweet! So why on earth would I be crying about this?

Something just didn’t feel right. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but it felt stupid to even be considering turning this down. Salary, benefits, college tuition, whats not to love? I knew it would be comfortable, but everything in my heart and soul was screaming at me, NOT THIS.

So I made the decision that sided with my soul. I am not willing to give up my values for financial comfort-ability. I already have jobs scheduled till the first week of July so I will have around two months to figure out whats next. Scary? Yes, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified. But it is equally exiting. Finally taking control of my life instead of leaving it in the hands of someone else.

The comforts of financial stability do not appeal to me as much as being free to live my life. I know that may sound like hippy nonsense to some of you, but I know it’s what I need. While this may get uncomfortable fast, I want that pressure on me. I have to use it to push myself through this next part of life. I am finally back in a positive and optimistic state of mind after months of depression and I will not let it go to waste this time.

I need to live the remainder of 2016 outside of my comfort zone. I know commuting thirty minutes on a crowded highway to sit in a cubicle working 8-5 is uncomfortable…dear god, it’s a living nightmare. But that is the wrong kind of uncomfortable. I’m talking about writing when I don’t want to write. Going out and applying for jobs to places I don’t have a chance at or aren’t hiring at all. Meeting strangers, doing stand up, playing piano, learning a new language, sky diving. Forming an entire new peer group based on my values instead of convenience. Getting uncomfortable in ways that will further me in a direction I want to go.

                So it begins. Time to get uncomfortable.